Wednesday, May 12, 2010

In trouble

I'm in trouble with my wife. She thinks I put training above all else - I don't agree! I do find ways to fit it into my day. I think that the only thing that would make her happy is if I miss a workout - I really don't think that's fair.

Let me give you an example. On Tuesday's I generally drop my daughter off at Gymnastics. After I drop her off I go for my run and if there is a second workout I do that as well. After my workout I watch my daughter in gymnastics for the remainder of the practice (she practices for 3.5 hours). I consider this using time wisely - depending on the length of the workout I see anywhere from 1.5 - 3.0 hours of the practice. That is more than most parents do - they generally drop and go.

So, I don't know how I go from Sunday where she is making arrangements to help me get my workout in to today where she thinks I'm a selfish bastard. I was actually calling her to tell her that I was not going to travel on Sunday to do a ride like I had planned because I thought I was being selfish but after I got the cold tone from her, I decided not to tell her. I'm somewhat prideful - I could not let her think I was reacting to her mood.

Here's another thing that bothers her - I often workout twice a day. I'm sure many of you do as well. At least one of the workouts usually takes 20 minutes or less. I squeeze this workout in whenever I can, but I do not put it in front of everything else going on in my day.

With the exceptions of Wednesdays and Sundays (pool days) I am very flexible in when I can and do workout.

I often think this is jealousy - she is jealous that I have something in my life that I am passionate about. I'm probably off base here though, I generally get this stuff wrong.

I just don't get it - can someone please help!


  1. Martin, I don't know the whole scope of the situation, but I will like to try to help you as much as I can. Communication is always the best way to manage this type of "misunderstandings" and sometimes to understand "crazy people" like or me is not easy. I will like to you to sit down with her, go out for a dinner if possible, and listen to her without any answer in mind, then tell her how important is this for you and this is a vital part of your life, not just a hobby. Again, talking and listening each other can help to understand.

  2. Martin

    Over communicate. This is the theme....

    Before I took the steps of training for the Ironman , I sat down with both my wife & son & had a heart to heart with the both of them. I made it crystal clear to the both of them if I did not have their 100% support I would not do it. I also explained & the reason I went with Trimax Fitness that I would not be training 20 hrs a week & 6 hour bike rides on the weekend. I told them that my family was more important & that I would not be gone for hours @ a time. I am able to plan my WOD's early in the morning and at lunch time @ work. And if I do anything in the evening it is always the 10-20 minute WOD so I have dinner with them. Weekend WOD are done before we start our day. I over communicate my training plan & upcoming races on the calendar. Triathlon is part of my lifestyle, but not at all consuming. It is my family that takes top priority. No excuses. Continue to communicate with your family & share with them your experiences including maybe including them in a few WOD's for fun. My son for example has played hockey since he was five, now 13, but enjoys running, biking etc. My wife also enjoys being outside & mixing it up from time to time.

  3. Hi Martin,

    I agree with Ariel and David. You need to be able to communicate that she and your daughter are the most important thing in your life. Maybe ask her why she has a problem with your training. Then listen to her without responding. When she is completely finished, then ask her how she would have you incorporate your training into your lives. Let her be a part of your training program. Maybe you guys sit down in the beginning of the week and go through all the schedules and she plans when you work out. She already knows how important it is to you, just make sure she knows she and your daughter are more important.

  4. Thanks guys - this is helpful, but not really what I was looking for. I really wanted someone to agree that I'm not selfish and that my wife could be more supportive. I actually had a friend who also does Triathlon tell me that this will be the last Ironman that I do if she is not supportive. Sorry, here is me being pigheaded again, but I refuse to accept that I cannot do the things in life that truly make me happy and triathlon is certainly one of them. There may not be another IM in my future, but now that I have discovered crossfit and have gotten to a higher level of fitness, I can never go back. This is now a permanent part of my life - it will not go away. My family makes me happy and what I am writing is really diminishing what a big part of my life they are and how much I am willing to sacrifice for them. I want both aspects of my life and I don't deal well with ultimatums so one better never come. Yes, I will talk to my wife but not when she is coming into the conversation looking for a fight and I told her as much.

    I would really like a woman's point of view.

  5. Ok, here is my two cents: you are not being selfish, I can only imagine that you did let her know about the training before you started down the path. Even though the training is not all life consuming, I did tell my husband that everything else had to come 2nd - meaning, if there was something we were invited to, if I had a long training session, then we would have to evaluate that activity - he agreed. I also have gotten him involved - meaning he sits on the couch with a stop watch and times me while I do Tabatas. If I have a CF that is not tabata, and if I can do it inside or around my driveway, I do and he watches. He is impressed with my progress and also the transformation of my body and that makes him more supportive and encouraging. I know she does not want you to fail. My friend is trainig for Rev3 (his first 1/2), he has two kids and his wife does not work, but yet she is giving him a hard time, similar to you. He is 100% convinced it is jealousy - i.e. he is doing something that does not involve her. I hope that helps and if it doesn't - you can pay me to bake her favorite dessert (I am a really good baker)

  6. Thank you Erica. My wife is a good baker as well, but she never eats what she bakes - weird, donut good, cookie bad. Banana bread on the other hand might help me get on her good side.

    I do plan to talk to her, but I am not going to do it until she has a better disposition to start with. And yes, this has all been discussed in the past, plus I have been doing this for close to four years now. This training protocol is actually less time consuming than some of my past training protocols and I was only training for sprints and olympic distances. I used to train 13 hours a week when I was bike racing so one day of every weekend was blown.

    Personally I think she had a bad day and I was the recipient of it. I needed to vent (in a more constructive manner) and I appreciate the feedback that I got back.

  7. I will take baking requests - I am strick Paleo and started experimenting alot. Found an awesome grain free, sugarfree, gluten free granola recipe that is outstanding. If and when we ever meet up to all train together (maybe a group swim would be nice) I will have some for all.

    8x100s in the pool Sunday? Anyone?
    And unfortunately mood swings are a big part of a women's makeup - sometimes totally uncontrollable, seriously!

  8. 8x100s I can do it, where you swim?

  9. Martin, I have been with Dave since 88 He has been a triathlete the whole time. My advice is to make sure you keep it 50/50 and your secret is safe with me as long as you be my drinking buddie. Jenn C